


counting

by stardustgirl



Series: Full-length Fics [2]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Child Soldiers, Ezra Bridger Needs a Hug, Post-Canon, Post-Episode: s04e15-16 Family Reunion – and Farewell, Post-Series, Shatterpoints, grey morality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-07-24 18:03:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 5,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16180352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustgirl/pseuds/stardustgirl
Summary: “What have you done, Bridger?” Thrawn asked softly.  “Were you even fully aware of what the consequences of your actions would be?”“Yeah.  And I figured someone had to take care of you.”|~~~|Ezra’s last act for Lothal, the Ghost crew, and the larger rebellion was to send himself and Thrawn, along with the entirety of the Seventh Fleet, into the Unknown Regions.  Thankfully, the young Jedi has a contingency plan—IF it’s acted upon.Now it’s just a matter of counting the days until it is.(This is written in a journal entry-esque style, hence why it’s so short.  All or almost all of the chapters are under 300 words.)





	1. SHIP LOG

**SHIP LOG**  
Designation — CHIMAERA, FLAGSHIP  
Fleet — SEVENTH FLEET  
Commanding Officer — GRAND ADMIRAL MITTH’RAW’NURUODO  
Navigation Log — CORRUPTED  
Communications Log — CORRUPTED  
Last Received Transmission —  
Bring Bridger to me.  
Source — Untraceable  
Destination — Grand Admiral Mitth’raw’nuruodo’s quarters  
Status — DELIVERED  
Chronolog — 15:05  
Last Outgoing Transmission —  
Bridger has control of the bridge. Requesting backup from the remainder of the fleet. Meanwhile, commence planetary bombardment.  
Source — Bridge, Unknown Officer [DID NOT USE APPROPRIATE CODE CYLINDER TO LOG]  
Destination — Remainder of the Seventh Fleet  
Status — UNDELIVERED  
Chronolog — 15:34


	2. 1 ROTATION

1 Rotation

When the pergill left hyperspace, Ezra had no idea where they were.  
He also couldn’t keep his hold on both Thrawn and the blast doors behind him forever, he knew.  
He connected with the pergill again and asked if they would take the Destroyer down to the nearest planet. He had a hunch it would serve their purposes.  
As soon as they were within orbit, he thanked the pergill and severed their connection.  
Within moments, they were gone.  
He let go of his hold on the door and Thrawn and allowed himself to collapse to his knees.  
The door opened instantly and the ‘troopers rushed in, firing blindly at him. He barely had the energy to dodge and several of the bolts hit home on his arm. He cried out, falling to hands and knees and already bracing himself for the killing shot.  
Lothal would be safe. Sabine would make sure it was.  
“Cease fire.”  
The command was short but effective. Ezra looked up, breaths coming in short, ragged gasps. Thrawn was staring down at him in disgust as he lowered himself to a crouch. Ezra met his gaze with a hard glare, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of looking away.  
“What have you done, Bridger?” Thrawn asked softly. “Were you even fully aware of what the consequences of your actions would be?”  
“Yeah. And I figured someone had to take care of you,” he answered shakily. Thrawn’s lips twitched up in what might have been amusement before he stood, turning his attention away from Ezra and back to the ‘troopers.  
“He will live. Restrain him and place him in a holding cell under single guard. We shall deal with him later.”  
“Single guard, sir?” one of the ‘troopers questioned hesitantly.  
“Yes. Bridger’s friends are lightyears away, and I suspect even he has no idea where we are at the moment. And until he does, he has no hope,” Thrawn concludes evenly, his red eyes sliding down to glance at Ezra.  
Even as much as he rejected it, he knew Thrawn was right.  
He didn’t resist as they pulled him roughly to his feet, only glaring coldly at Thrawn as he was led away.


	3. 4 ROTATIONS

4 Rotations

Thrawn must have realized the importance of keeping him alive, because several days later his cell opened.  
Ezra blinked in the light. Most of the ship’s circuitry had stopped working except emergency lighting and the life support systems, at least from what he had seen in the brief trip from the bridge to the detention block. And emergency lighting didn’t extend to cells.  
He stood, wincing as the light hit his eyes full-on and his shoulder flared with pain. The injuries on his arm he could ignore; those charges had barely hit him. But the one that had hit him in the back of his shoulder had hit full-on. There was no way to distract himself from that pain, aside from meditation.  
And meditation was difficult when your shoulder felt like it had been mauled by an anooba.  
He followed the ‘troopers dutifully out of the cell and down the corridor, trying not to limp. The entire hall had an eerie tinge of red to it from the emergency lights, casting ominous shadows that he tried to ignore as they led him to the bridge.  
“Bridger,” Thrawn greeted him as the blast door slid open. The bridge, at least, still had full power. He tried not to think of which levels they had diverted life support away from to keep full power on the bridge.  
He would just have to be extra careful if he ever found himself wandering the ship alone.  
“What do you want, Thrawn?” he questioned tiredly.  
“I thought you would like to know that we are currently in orbit over an uninhabited planet. And that we are planning to depart for the surface soon.”  
He was instantly suspicious. Why would Thrawn tell him that? Unless….  
“You want me to come with you.”  
The man dipped his head. Even after nearly two years of research, Ezra and the rest of his family had been unable to figure out how to stop him, not until Ezra had surrendered. And even _he_ wasn’t sure that that was a completely foolproof plan. The Force worked in mysterious ways.  
Family.  
Thinking of them hurt.  
“Precisely, Bridger. Though if you wish to remain alive, you do not have much choice in the matter. Life support will be turned off on all ships in the fleet once all personnel are on the ground. After all, there won’t be much need for it as the communications systems and navigational systems on each Destroyer have been...damaged.” His eyes narrowed fractionally and Ezra realized he blamed Ezra personally for that.  
He wouldn’t deny that the pergill _had_ been his idea. Though he hadn’t realized they would be that destructive.  
“Why haven’t you killed me yet?” Ezra asked after several moments of silence. Thrawn blinked in surprise.  
“I had thought the answer would be obvious. You have been trained in the ways of the Force, and—“  
“If you’re going to ask me to tell you about the Force again, the answer is still no,” Ezra interrupted.  
“—you would be a useful asset to our survival,” Thrawn finished patiently, as if Ezra had never interrupted him. The teen frowned, and would have crossed his arms if it wasn’t for the binders.  
“I’m not helping you survive.”  
The man shrugged calmly. “If you would like to take your chances on the world below on your own, you may. My offer remains standing.”  
Ezra’s eyes darted between Thrawn and the ‘trooper escort, trying to determine whether or not the man was lying.  
If his body language was close enough to human body language to be accurate when read as such, then he wasn’t.  
Ezra nodded slowly. “I’ll take my chances alone.”  
Thrawn nodded in response. “Very well. Take him to one of the shuttles and tell them to drop him off before they reach the chosen site,” he instructed the ‘troopers.  
Ezra felt nothing as he was escorted to the shuttle. He felt nothing as he was shoved down into a seat with orders to stay still. He felt nothing as the shuttle left the hangar of the _Chimaera._  
He felt nothing as the shuttle landed on the forest floor briefly, long enough for his binders to be removed and him to be shoved out onto his knees.  
He felt nothing as the shuttle left, and he was alone.  
He _would_ survive.


	4. 7 ROTATIONS

7 Rotations

Ezra stumbled into the camp half-dead from exhaustion and his injuries.  
The patrol who met him brought him to Thrawn, as he had expected. He was forced to his knees and he grunted as one of the ‘troopers shoved him down by the hurt shoulder. The man gazed down at him with a faint expression of amusement.  
“So you have elected to join us, master Jedi?”  
Ezra blinked. He wasn’t used to people calling _him_ that; that was what they called Kanan—  
A lump formed in his throat that he quickly shoved down.  
“Yeah,” he said finally. “I figured it’s better than trying to survive out there on my own. Plus you guys have all the supplies.” Thrawn’s gaze shifted to his injured shoulder and he forced himself to continue to meet the man’s eyes.  
“Take him to the medical tent,” Thrawn ordered. “Then find him a place to sleep.”  
Ezra pushed himself to his feet, grunting. He gave Thrawn a questioning glance before he turned to follow the ‘troopers away.  
“Contrary to what you and your rebellion believe, we are not all barbarians.”  
He hesitated slightly, turning his head just enough to be able to see Thrawn over his shoulder. After a moment, he continued walking.  
That thought echoed in Ezra’s mind as the ‘troopers took him to the medical tent.


	5. 10 ROTATIONS

10 Rotations

His assignment had yet to be determined, and would probably remain that way until he healed.  
Ezra wasn’t sharing a tent with anyone at the moment, though he guessed that was more for his own protection than anything else. Many of the people here held personal grudges against him.  
He wouldn’t have blamed them if they _had_ attempted to kill him.  
Thankfully, no one had. Yet.  
Thrawn’s words had continued to echo in his mind since they had spoken three rotations previous. Three rotations.  
He had never expected to be away from his family for that long.  
But when he had had his vision, when he had realized what he needed to do, he had known that this would happen.  
Still, knowing and actually living it were completely different concepts.


	6. 36 ROTATIONS

36 Rotations

It had been more than a standard month, he knew. Ezra had been keeping count on one of the helmets a stormtrooper had discarded a couple weeks back.  
Most of his injuries were nearly healed by now, aside from the shot to his shoulder.  
Fitting that Thrawn’s shot would be the one that remained the longest.  
He had been assigned that day. Defense. Defense against what, he had no idea.  
But he had his job, and he would do it. And do it _well._  
He would do it better than the others. He would prove he belonged there.  
Even if no one else wanted Ezra Bridger there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve decided to update this once a weekday by the way, just for anyone who’s wondering.


	7. 50 ROTATIONS

50 Rotations

He was attacked that day.  
Well, night, really. He had been sleeping fitfully, another memory of that night inside the wolf circle portal, inside the world between worlds, watching the scene on top of the fuel pod playing on loop in his mind at the same time as he watched it through one of the portals.  
And every time, Ahsoka pulled him back and prevented him from rescuing Kanan.  
It was the click of the safety on a blaster that woke Ezra.  
His eyes opened and his breath hitched in his throat, stopping for just a moment before he made himself continue breathing. He tried to figure out who was outside the tent based on the footsteps, but his heart was racing too fast for him to focus on anything beyond fear.  
 _Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear is the path to the Dark Side._  
The words Kanan had repeated to him so many times over the past four years echoed in his head and he swallowed.  
The Force only gave him a millisecond’s warning before his tent flap was pushed in.  
It was enough.  
Ezra rolled into a crouch, outstretching his hand as he called for a lightsaber that he no longer had. He cursed under his breath. Even nearly two months later, he still hadn’t gotten used to the lack of his weapon.  
He reached for his blaster with his other hand, ducking just in time to dodge the blaster charge the assailant shot at him. It ripped through the canvas behind, leaving behind a hole with singed edges.  
A lethal charge.  
Whoever was attacking him wore a ‘trooper helmet, but they wore the civvies of an officer. Ezra wasn’t well-versed enough in Imperial insignia to identify what rank of officer specifically, not that that mattered too much at the moment.  
Ezra cocked his blaster, set it to stun, and began firing.  
The motions were automatic, and Ezra’s aim was true.  
The officer cried out as he fell backward.  
The tents around him erupted in chaos in moments, and within seconds he was being roughly dragged out of the tent and pulled to his feet. His blaster was ripped from his hands as several ‘troopers shoved his head down and led him forward.  
He didn’t realize where they were taking him until they arrived. They pushed him to his knees inside the shuttle and he sighed.  
“This again?”  
“Quiet Bridger.” A blow to his head punctuated the order.  
“Why have you woken me in the middle of the night?” Ezra glanced up, further confirming that Thrawn was more irritated than normal.  
“It was Bridger, sir. He shot someone.”  
“Well he tried to shoot me firs—“  
“I said _quiet!_ ” Someone kicked him in the side and he grunted, barely keeping himself from falling over.  
“What _exactly_ happened?” Thrawn inquired slowly. He was looking past Ezra at the ‘troopers who had brought him in. He held back another sigh.  
“We heard shots coming from his tent, and when we went to check, Bridger had a blaster and there was someone on the ground.”  
“It was on stun,” Ezra muttered. The comment went unnoticed.  
“Hmm. And, Bridger?” Ezra glanced up, confused. Thrawn elaborated. “What do you believe happened?”  
He answered slowly, suspicious as to why the Imperial wanted his side of the story. “Someone taking the safety off their blaster woke me up. They nearly shot me but I set my blaster _on stun,_ ” he emphasized, “and shot them. It was an officer, I think. They had a stormtrooper helmet on, so I don’t know who it was.”  
Thrawn examined him for a moment before nodding. “Find out who it was,” he ordered one of the ‘troopers, “and punish them accordingly.” He turned to the other ‘trooper. “Get him to one of the shuttles.”  
A shuttle? They were putting him on a shuttle because he apparently couldn’t defend himself in a tent well enough?  
As he turned to let the ‘troopers escort him away, he caught Thrawn’s eye and remembered what the man had said in their first week on the planet.  
 _We are not all barbarians._


	8. 51 ROTATIONS

51 Rotations

Ezra left the shuttle after the first threat from the man he would’ve been sharing it with. Instead, he rearranged the belongings he’d been issued upon arriving at the camp around a tree.  
He stared up the trunk of it, uncertain how to get up it, but then remembered Sabine’s stories of climbing trees when she was younger.  
Sabine.  
He missed her.  
But she was helping Lothal now. She would find him when she could.  
Sucking in a breath, Ezra attempted to climb it.


	9. 58 ROTATIONS

58 Rotations

It took him about a week to figure out how to get even ten feet up the tree.  
The height didn’t bother him; his tower back on Lothal had been higher. And it was a good guess that none of the Imps could climb that high.  
Especially the officer he had been reluctantly sharing the shuttle with for the past week until he figured out how to climb the tree. He had slept with the safety on his blaster off (though not cocked) and set on stun with it underneath him. Ezra had also taken to taking as many of the night watches as he could and, when not on first watch, entering the shuttle as late as possible without attracting more attention than the Jedi with the odd eyes already had.  
He had also been rising before dawn, which wasn’t new—nightmares often woke him without consent anyway—but it resulted in a sleep-deprived teen.  
And being sleep-deprived with an injured shoulder while attempting to sleep in a tree was not a good combination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’ve been busy with the AU of the Collapse(s) Imperial AU project I’ve got going on so that’s why this wasn’t updated when it normally is (I highly suggest you check out both Collapse(s) and it’s AU if you like “counting” so far!). As always, feedback is appreciated!


	10. 59 ROTATIONS

59 Rotations

Being sleep-deprived with an injured shoulder while attempting to sleep in a tree was not even a decent combination, as it turned out.  
His street instincts managed to keep him still enough to remain in the fork of the tree throughout the night, thankfully, but getting down was the hard part.  
He ended up making it about four feet down before falling the last six. Fortunately, Ezra landed on his uninjured left side, but the bruises would still remain for a while.  
Maybe he would have been better off sleeping on the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’ve been neglecting this story guys; I’ve been super busy with school, riding, and Whumptober so I’ve been mostly only updating Trained in Darkness (which I highly recommend checking out).


	11. 63 ROTATIONS

63 Rotations

It was four rotations later when he felt it.  
A sharp pain in his chest, followed shortly by clouds of dust swimming in his vision and screams of loss and pain and fear, fear, fear, fear, so much fear. His head throbbed the same way it had that time he’d rammed a speeder bike into the back of an Imperial transport— _Force_ there were so many things he regretted from the early days—and his vision didn’t stop moving, only getting worse as he watched a green beam of laserfire hit a city, a _holy_ city, the ground screaming and the planet screaming and the people screaming and the Force screaming and there was _nothing he could do_ from so far away.  
But amidst it all was a small shred of hope.  
He found himself on his knees, trembling with his head hanging low, hair now long enough to be drifting away from his sweat-slick forehead and into his vision. Ezra breathed heavily, sitting up on his knees for only a moment before he leaned forward again to heave. He swallowed, shakily swallowing afterward as he forced himself to his feet, taking another shuddering breath as he turned to make sure no one had seen.  
And then of course it had to be the same officer with whom he had shared the transport with. Stumbling backward, Ezra left without so much as an explanation.  
The man didn’t deserve one anyway.  
Not that Ezra knew what had just happened across the galaxy any better than the officer did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I’ve decided that updates for this will now be every other weekday due to the fact that I’m quickly running out of pre-written chapters for this....Oh well.


	12. 65 ROTATIONS

65 Rotations

Two rotations later, he collapsed onto hands and knees and vomited once again.

  
All he could see and hear and taste and smell and feel was death, death surrounding him and suffocating him and imbedded in the very marrow of his bones.

  
And then he only knew darkness, and death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’m so inconsistent with updating this one guys...I haven’t had a lot of inspiration for this story recently but I’m trying. Updates will probably be pretty sporadic from now on, sorry.
> 
> My series Collapse(s) updates pretty regularly though, and the first book is finished and I’m in the process of proofreading/revising and posting the second one. I’m also working on another full-length fic with starwarsezra called Between that’s pretty interesting so far, too, so be sure to check those both out!


	13. 65 ROTATIONS (LOG II)

65 Rotations (Log II)

“Bridger? Ezra Bridger, a—“

He jolted upright, gasping. He called his lightsaber to his hand, fumbling to sit up as someone tried to restrain him. Kanan.

He had to find Kanan. Where was Kanan?

He searched for their bond as he fought to sit up.

It hit him suddenly.

Their bond was gone. Dead.

Kanan was gone. Dead.

For all he knew, his family thought he was gone. Dead.

“Bridger,” someone repeated, a hand clamping down on his shoulder roughly. He jerked, glancing around wildly until he caught sight of the man standing slightly behind him.

“Where—“

“Med tent. You had a seizure.”

“I….” Ezra swallowed, pushing himself to his feet and glancing back. “How- how long was I out?”

“A few hours.”

He nodded slowly, studying the officer. He seemed young, in his early twenties and still...he didn’t know the word for it. Naïve? Innocent? Whatever it was, the man hadn’t seen anything.

Or maybe Ezra had just seen too much.

“I’m, uh, Ezra,” he said suddenly, clearing his throat. “I didn’t get your name.”

“Brason. It’s- I’m Brason Tarwhea,” he stammered, swallowing and rubbing his neck.

“You’re an officer.” The man nodded in answer to Ezra's affirmation.

“Yeah, Ensign. On the _Chimaera._ I- I already know who you are. You don’t...need to explain.”

Ezra nodded, swallowing. “Um….”

The officer’s comm chirped and he fumbled for it, finally grasping it and turning it on. “Ensign Tarwhea.”

“ _Is Bridger conscious?_ ” The voice on the other end didn’t bother identifying themselves but based on the way Brason’s face paled, he was well aware who it was.

“Y- yes sir.”

“ _Grand Admiral wants to talk to him. Bring him to his shuttle._ ” The comm abruptly went silent and Brason wiped a hand across his forehead, exhaling shakily.

“We should probably go, then.” Ezra nodded in agreement, limping out of the tent as the ensign held the flap up.

They walked to Thrawn’s shuttle and Brason hesitated by the entrance, Ezra slowing to glance back at him in confusion.

“I...I don’t think I’m allowed in there. Rank,” he explained.

“They told you to bring me. I don’t think they’d kick you out if you did what they asked.” The ensign hesitated for another moment before sighing, nodding in assent, and following Ezra in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look Ezra made a friend!! Or DID he? :)))
> 
> This is kind of a birthday present from me to you guys so enjoy! I’m also super excited about the new Imagine Dragons album (go listen to it right now if you haven’t yet!!!) and the announcement about the new Cassian show!


	14. 65 ROTATIONS (LOG III)

65 Rotations (Log III)

“Ah, Bridger.” Thrawn didn’t turn to face him even after his address, but Ezra stopped anyway, warily watching the man. “Do come in. You’re not going to remain out there, are you?”

He hesitated before sighing quietly and entering the shuttle further, catching a short wave of confusion rolling off of Brason.

“Sit.” Still not turning from something that was blocked from Ezra’s view, Thrawn gestured to a table nearby.

To his annoyance, Ezra sat.

“Now. I was informed earlier today that you suffered a seizure.”

The statement was almost too blunt for Thrawn and caught Ezra off guard. He blinked before nodding. “Yeah.”

“And I was informed by your...acquaintance that you had another incident only two days ago.” Ezra quickly realized who the Imperial was referring to and a chill ran down his spine.

“You’re insane if you think he’s a reliable source,” he responded warily. Thrawn finally half-turned, a slight smile gracing his face in the half-light. “Just tell him that I told him to kriff off.”

The man raised an eyebrow. “I will admit that I am a bit surprised. I was under the impression that Jedi aspired to be non-violent. Though after your display on the bridge, I suppose I have been proven wrong already.” The Imperial cleared his throat. “I am also under the impression that Jedi are extremely sensitive to fluctuations in the environment, particularly those having to do with the phenomenon your people refer to as the Force.”

“What do you want with me, Thrawn?” he snarled finally. “Stop avoiding the reason you called me in here.” Something warned him that he already knew where Thrawn was going, and that he wouldn’t like it.

He, being Ezra Bridger, a former Loth-rat-turned-Jedi who now had absolutely nothing to lose for the second time in his life, didn’t care.

“All I want is to know the reason for your seizures.”

He blanched, once again taken completely off guard. Ezra blinked.

“What?”

“Ensign Tarwhea.”

Ezra’s gaze flicked to Brason to watch as the young man jolted in surprise. “S- sir?”

“You reported that Bridger appeared to be in impeccable health, aside from the minor injuries he has suffered since his departure from Lothal.”

“I wouldn’t call a blaster shot to the shoulder ‘minor,’” Ezra muttered.

Thrawn continued as if he hadn’t heard what Ezra had said. “However, Bridger’s file from the Academy mentions nothing of any seizures that occurred there, nor anything that could’ve potentially developed into them. And based on the circumstances surrounding his fall from that tree, I do not think they stem from that.

“Rather, I think they stem from the Force.”


	15. 65 ROTATIONS (LOG IV)

65 Rotations (Log IV)

A chill ran down his spine as he swallowed, forcing his gaze steady again after allowing a brief moment of shock.  He stood quickly, the chair rolling away from the momentum of the movement.

“You don’t know  _ anything _ of the Force, Thrawn,” Ezra hissed.  “It’s not something you can just  _ command _ to do your will, to--”

“That will be enough, Bridger.”  The man’s eyes flashed, a slight snarl curling at the edges of his lips as he fully turned to Ezra.  He stalked around the table towards the young man, and the Jedi forced himself not to take a step back as he swallowed again.  The admiral emitted a low sound, almost reminiscent of a hiss, and Ezra flinched back further.

“None of us here need a repeat of what happened over Lothal, now do we, Bridger?”  Quickly, Ezra shook his head, and the man stood back and relaxed, seemingly satisfied.  “Good. I trust that you will conduct yourself civilly for the rest of our conversation, and I shall do the same.”  He paused and Ezra realized he was waiting for an answer before quickly nodding. Thrawn smiled slightly.

“Now, as you so graciously pointed out moments ago, I don’t know anything of the Force--or not enough to be of any consequence to anyone, I suppose.  However...that is exactly why I have called you here.” His smile widened. As Ezra’s own gaze widened, his calculating one narrowed in return. “I want you to teach me of the Force, Bridger.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise we'll get past the 65 day mark at some point guys...I'm just really tired tonight and I have to wake up early tomorrow so I didn't feel like adding more to what I already had written up for this one so....


	16. 65 ROTATIONS (LOG V)

65 Rotations (Log V)

He let out a short laugh before realizing Thrawn was entirely serious.

“Seriously? You- you think I’m going to show you what the Force is capable of?”

Thrawn raised an eyebrow. “And why wouldn’t you?”

“Take a guess,” he snapped, slowly backing up as his gaze darted around the shuttle, trying to find a way out that wouldn’t compromise him further.

“We are all trying to survive out here, Bridger, and it would greatly work to all our benefit if you would contrib—“

“ _No, Thrawn._ I am _not_ showing you how the Force works just so you can abuse it. And if that means leaving so you’re not able to use me, then I will.” He kept his voice hard as he edged toward the wall.  
Thrawn’s gaze hardened in return and he gestured to Ezra. “Ensign.”

“I…” Brason trailed off hesitantly, glancing between Ezra and the Admiral. Finally he drew his blaster, undoing the safety before setting it to stun and cocking it as he shakily raised it to point in Ezra’s direction.

“Don’t do it Brason,” he warned, continuing to edge along the wall and keeping an eye on both the younger officer and Thrawn.

The Force gave him a split second warning.

He threw out a hand, shoving the blaster out of the ensign’s grasp and toward the back wall right as it fired and he ducked at the same time, narrowly missing the stun shot as it hit and then dissipated against the wall. Ezra drew his blaster just as Thrawn drew his and the pair began shooting at each other, using the table between them as a barrier of sorts as well.

Finally he sensed the door behind him and bolted out into the dusk.


	17. 66 ROTATIONS

66 Rotations

Morning found him still hiking through the forest, trying to ignore the faint pain in his shoulder.

_“We have hope….”_

He needed to get as far away from Thrawn’s camp as possible. If he’d upset the man’s plans enough to goad him into shooting at him, then it would’ve been even wiser to take one of the shuttles and just go.

_“...hope that things can get better….”_

But even after more than four years under her, Kanan’s, and Sabine’s tutelage, he didn’t have Hera’s innate skill at piloting. And no doubt Thrawn would order the shuttle to be shot down or disabled; he likely wouldn’t even make it into orbit.

Kanan.

_“...and they will.”_

No, no, he couldn’t leave. Lothal and his family were both counting on him to keep Thrawn and the remainder of his fleet here, out of the way, so that they could free the rest of the galaxy. Without Kanan, and without him, too, they’d need all the time he could give them.

Kanan.

Kanan.

It hit him, again, the events of that night on the fuel pod. He’s grasping Hera’s hand, helping her in; the walker behind shoots and he and Kanan notice the oncoming impact simultaneously, only moments before the flames erupt and Kanan’s already jogging back, holding up his hands and bracing himself as best he can on the slick metal as the wall of fire rages towards him. He slides several inches backwards before managing to stop himself, and suddenly Hera’s tearing herself out of his own grasp and trying to run to him, and he’s not sure if it’s the drugs or if this is what she would’ve done regardless (even now, he still thinks it’s the drugs).

And that moment replays itself in his mind over and over, because maybe he would’ve been able to save Kanan—Force, maybe Kanan wouldn’t have had to sacrifice himself in the first place—if he had been ready for Hera to try something like that, had already had her on the shuttle.

The guilt weighed heavier than normal on him that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a day later than normal, I have no sense of time when I’m not in school.


	18. 68 ROTATIONS

68 Rotations

It was late afternoon on his third day out when it hit.

First came the vomiting, the sudden weakness that made him collapse onto hands and knees and heave onto the damp earth. And then—

darkness.

_Mirrorbright, shines the moon…._

alderaan.

_Its glow as soft as an ember…._

death.

_When the moon is mirrorbright…._

the disaster.

_Take this time to remember…._

more death.

_Those you have loved who are gone…._

more darkness.

_Those who kept you so safe and warm…._

screaming

_The mirrorbright moon lets you see…._

terror

_Those who have ceased to be…._

everything burning, burning, burning, burning, _burning, burni—_

_Mirrorbright shines the moon…._

“you didn’t prepare me for this”

_As fires die to their embers…._

“i might make a mistake”

_Those you loved are with you still—_

“kanan!”

_The moon will help you remember…._

darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long guys yikes...again, I have no sense of time whatsoever....


	19. 70 ROTATIONS

70 Rotations

He woke suddenly, gasping for breath as he tried to sit up.  A hand on his arm pulled him back down and he called his lightsaber, preparing to defend himself against his assailant if need be.

No lightsaber came.

“Ezra.  Ezra, it’s me, calm dow—“

He finally jerked his arm out of their grasp, turning to recognize Brason.  He relaxed, but only minimally.

“Ezra.”

“How many times are we going to keep doing this?” he ask:: wearily, smiling weakly at the ensign.  Brason shrugged in return, offering an awkward smile.

“Who knows?  Thrawn wanted to talk to you as soon as you were coherent, by the way.”  Ezra nodded weakly.

“If it has to be now….”

“I can tell him to wait, if that- if that helps.”

Ezra shrugged.  “I dunno. Try that I guess, but it  _ is _ Thrawn.”  Brason modded, moving to step out of the tent.

As quietly as he could, Ezra moved off of the cot and to the edge of the tent, crawling underneath it before standing again, and bolted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I didn’t forget about this I was just lacking in inspiration for it for a while >.<


End file.
